Ankhtack of the Cabbits!
I wrote a part of a story. Would you like to add to it?
Ankhtack of the Cabbits
Twelve past midnight, a surly cabbage passed along its surly way. It went to see Ronald from the Bon-Bon, a wise and mighty rabbit, where they would at once partake of 'the naughty' and spawn a peculiar sort of progeny. Their intent? To rule Egypt, land of the ankh...
The wall of the building closest ran slick with grey-water and thriving algae, cold and slimy to the touch. The small lane looked like a roughly hewn pathway cut into a mountain. A pale moon glow gleamed in the reflection of recently fallen rain. The cabbage rolled onwards...
[insert the next part of the story here]
posted by Dboy @ Friday, October 06, 2006
20 Insightful Contributions
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20 Comments:
as it reflected on what the mage had told it "You shall remain in your current form, until the stroke of midnight. From there until the new dawn each night, you will live your life in the shape of a cabbage."
"Stupid mage" he said, "I should never have agreed to...
the story changed as i was writing it lol, dont know whether it is now an 'it' or a 'he' while in cabbage form
guess he would work ..or she for a twist
"I should never have agreed to give that magic collender a kick."
At that moment, trying desperately to focus on his current mission, he slipped on a mossy bit of rock and started to fall.
Down an embankment he fell, tumbling and tossing, he hit the bottom of the embankment with a thud. Picking himself up, as awkwardly as any cabbage, he realised he'd been stripped of a few layers on his descent, he was now a little smaller than before.
The cabbage looked around frantically ... why were they never around when you needed them? Dam' public toilets!
The Cabbage crosssed his legs .... he needed to take a...
(wait for it) ... LEEK!
[laugh out loud stuff this, good stuff :D]
He found a nearby vegetable patch and picked himself up a leek, thus relieving his aching groin. Now smaller and furious at his choice of kicking Collander Chris, the surly cabbage miraculously, contradicting the forces of gravity, rolled his way up the embankment and set himself forwards on his journey again.
A thought struck his mind. He looked up and saw a sliver of sun piercing through the horizon. It was dawn. Now he would turn back into his original form, a...
.... a .... um ..... cabbgage seed??
No, wait, .... A winged, copper alloy flange... No.. wait:
..... A west Indian gherkin!
Approaching him down the road was a strange looking individual - The Cabbage (now a west Indian Gherkin) sighed. It was his long lost ex girlfriend, Priscilla! She was a genuine Prairie turnip - with all the emotional charm of a Wasabi!
"Great" thought the Cabbage."This is NOT what I need right now! I'm metamorphosing into a gherkin(Indian), I've lost my cabbage patch, and I've just put this relationshiop behind me, and now this! Why doesn't she leaf (!) me alone?"
Priscilla stopped a few metres off, put her hands on her hips, and gazed at Cabbage throuigh her 1950's style winged glasses. Her long, cheap,red earings tingled in the silence as she nodded slowly.
"You know why I'm here, Wallace," she said. Her voice sounded as ominous as the short silence that follows a countdown to detonation. "...Three, two, one, detonate....!"
Her narrowed green eyes were ominous too. As ominous as an ominous black caped stranger lifting an ominous wand over a doomed city.
Wallace gulped. His throat drier than a dry martini, drier than hot desert sand in a furnace.
He gupled again...
Just as Wallace was preparing for a third gulp something struck him about Pricilla. He froze, his tiny cabbage/West Indian Gherkin brain unable to make sense of what was unfolding before his eyes. Was this even possible?
In slow motion, Pricilla's gaudy, sequinned kaftan (that she picked up for a bargain at the monthly organic kaftan growers market on the upper north side of town, during a time when unusually long sentences in parentheses were the fashion) glistened in the midday sun (although it was mid-late afternoon and the sun was behind schedule).
Before he knew it, something emerged from Pricilla's garb. Wallace was gazing upon something he never thought we would gaze upon. He couldn't stop gazing. It was almost as if he was a 'gazing' junkie.
Pricilla, in her trademark turnip drawl delivered a remark that confirmed all of Wallace's fears. "Wallace, I would like you to meet..."
"...me where i am, at my very roots." As she produced a half empty bottle of french salad dressing.
Wallace gave a third gulp.
"Don't look at me like that," she said as she saw him gulp. "My only wish was to make you the happiest, happier than any cabbage/ west indian gherkin!" She spread her arms out toward him still with the half empty bottle of dressing in her hand.
Wallace sighed and wished he had the nerve to gulp again...
____________________________
EDITORS NOTE:
You'll notice the word is "gupled again..."
To Guple = an uniquely Indian Gherkineque response to forward vegetables.
____________________________
Wallace paused and stifled the GULP. C'mon!" he said to himself, "Guple!"
His whole body strained with the effort.His eyes bulged red. Steam began to rise, the air shimmered with tension.
Pricilla gulped.
She looked down at the bottle of French Salad dressing in her hand. Was it half empty ... or half full. She hated the metaphysics of it all. And besides it was a 99% fat free lite dressing.
"What the...?" she gasped. "I thought I had the Dick Smith's Crikey Brand Caeser Salad dressing?"
Meanwhile, Wallace was still gupling. He looke like a large prickly puffer fish. He smiled to himself. He could keep this up all day. Time was on his side.
Forlornly Priscilla backed off...
.... further and further....
...and longer and longer...
with a terrified look on her face (as only a vegetable can display).
"I'm not that disgusting am I?" he asked. "I know I have been rolling around in the dirt a bit today, and I'm sure you wouldn't look that great after being morphed this way and that all the time!"
She raised a cold finger, pointing over his head, then took her hand back to her face. It was shaking now and he suspected she was just being her melodramatic self (for she loved the theatre you see). Anyway, he decided to amuse her and take a look over his shoulder, where he then shared her look of terror, for running at an amazing pace toward them was a sight dreaded by all manner of animated vegetables, it was...
...a giant caterpillar!
(Now, if caterpillars were to eat larger, more animal-like creatures, and were able to digest such amounts of protein, you may have called this one a Man-eater, as you do with some sharks and lions and the like. But, seeing as Caterpillars don't and can't respectively, this Caterpillar was more of a Pumpkin-eater (as it were, or is).)
It's many legs raced it toward the moderately young Wallace, it's pace never faltering, it's teeth chomping and covered in a green sappy ooze. The sappy ooze, in fact, was sap!
Now this may not sound very frightening to you whether teeth have sap on them or not, but to a vegetable, especially a moderately young, cabbage/west indian gherkin who was changed magically into this form without his prior consent, this would be a very terrifying thing indeed!
He was snap-frozen in fear...
wallace GULPED!
He'd only ever gluped before, but THIS, this needed the reassuring swallowing, choking, dry throated reassurance of aGULP - with the accomanying "gulpish gasp -
He GULPED...
this post is crud dboy!
what happened in thee end? I like this story, who write it?
Bob bob bob bob
Bub Beb bib bifb
Birb Burb Buhb
Bohb Bojb Hojb
Hokb Hoke Poke
Moke Boke Bokb
Bolb Bulb Bolb
Bob
and the catepillar turned into a beautiful butterfly which ascended into the sky in a glorious display of colour. And as the butterfly flitted majestically above them it boomed down to them in a loud and James Earl Jones like voice "Luke, I am your father!"
And then a rabbid ferret, suffering from a recent bout of difficult anal catharsis, screamed...
"THE END!"
HOOOOORAY!
Hahaaaahahaaahahaaa! Anal catharsis!
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